I hesitated posting this entry because I don't ever want to offend anyone with my writing (I'm incredibly non-controversial). So I will just begin by saying that I am not a doctor, nor do have I completed scientific studies on my "findings"; I am a person who struggles on a daily basis with control over food and I am writing about my experience. Disclaimer over.
The beginning of my weight loss was much easier (I find that the beginning of weight loss programs tend to be when most people are strongest in their resolve to be healthy) than the point I have reached now. I have lost a significant amount of weight, (in my humble opinion), and am down to a size ten, but I'm still not near my goal. My stomach is still too soft and nowhere near flat (thank you over-eating while pregnant x2). And I would like to lose the "soft" look on my face and the extra flab on my triceps area (my sister is getting married this summer, so sleeveless dresses and lots of pictures are in my near future).
I have learned a very valuable lesson over these last few months. I have to VERY CONSCIOUSLY choose to not overeat. I don't indulge in sweets all the time (I bake maybe once a week with my daughter). I overeat the healthy stuff. Yes, that is possible! I used to believe if it was whole grain, or lean protein, or "healthy" trail mix, that my quantities were unlimited. NOT. AT. ALL. Healthy foods still contain calories!!!!!!! You can still gain weight when eating whole grains, lean proteins, etc...I have not gained back any weight, but I am not losing it as fast as I should be (in my opinion "fast"= 1.5-2.5 pounds per week; any more than that will be easily gained back; usually plus some). And I know why. I choose to ignore the fact that I have consumed a serving size of something, and eat more. Binging is a serious problem for me because I use eating as a method of drowning my emotional issues. I choose to say "oh, I NEED something sweet" after a meal, and eat it, when in reality, NO ONE NEEDS TO HAVE ANY PROCESSED SUGAR E.V.E.R. Now, I'm not saying that I will never, ever indulge in the occasional decadent dessert, but really, our bodies have no need for processed sugars. Our whole lives can be lived without brownies, cake, cheesecake, cookies, etc, and nothing detrimental would happen to our health. I, however, have allowed myself to believe, after years of binge eating, that I NEED something sweet after a meal, and that I NEED to eat more than a handful of crackers as part of my snack.
It is a horrible habit, and it is ridiculously difficult to break myself of this mentality. I love to eat so much that when I have a rough day with my argumentative three-year-old, I have a small brownie...then another when she won't stop throwing a fit, then another when, after 45 minutes, she opens her door and screams down the hall as loud as she can...none of it was necessary. And I feel guilty after about 30 seconds. I get so angry and frustrated with myself for losing self control.
All in all, I am learning to re-train my brain. When I crave something, I have to very sternly tell myself, NO, you absolutely do not need that. It's just food. It's not going to solve my problems or make me feel better. On the contrary, after over-indulging I will feel guilty and awful and more fat than I did prior to eating! After 20+ years of "eating my emotions" this is incredibly arduous. And I fail. All the time. But I pick myself up again, and tell myself to keep trying. One day soon, it will be natural. I won't be fighting my urges to overeat, I won't have them at all! And I can't wait for that day.
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